zaterdag 14 november 2009

Happiness vs Sadness – Take 1

I believe that life is all about balance. That is why there will always be sadness along with happiness. I am blessed to be happy most of the time, but today was one of my sad days and I really need to vent a bit. So here we go.

My day was one of those mean energy sucking bad days: I overslept way way too late losing my entire morning. I spend my afternoon at the computer and doing a ton of groceries and not doing all the other fun and useful things I planned to. Because I was late, the stores were supercrowded which is very annoying. Also, I forgot something so when I was making dinner I had to return so I could finish dinner. And they broke into my car again, which really pissed me off (I am still pissed off about that) because I don’t understand why people want to do that (there is nothing of any value in that car) and it causes a lot of damage that I have to get fixed. The boyfriend was home late and also played an online match for his favorite computer game. Therefore I only got to speak to him for 5 minutes when he got home. Because dinner took longer than expected he ate at the computer and I ate alone. After the match finished he stayed at the computer and then he wanted to go to bed and sleep. He was cranky he was very tired. I had hoped to talk and cuddle a bit, but since he was apparently having a bad day too it’s better not to, because we would only end up fighting. So here I am, I made myself a cup of tea and I am going to write to get it of my chest so I can sleep. When I write things down I am better able to analyze what is going wrong and do something about it. I guess it is the psychologist in me, lol. Now, let’s start.

I just feel so blah today! I didn’t have the energy to do anything fun. I tried watching a comedy but it wasn’t funny at all, really not my taste of humor so I just passed my time on the internet, feeling crappy. I guess everybody has those moods that you are just not feeling like doing anything even though you know that if you would just get up and do something, you would feel so much better! I know that if I would have started on the sewing project I have lying around here, things would have been better.

Tomorrow is Sunday, my last day of 5 days off and I feel like I did not enjoy them. They just passed, and I did too much stuff that needed to be done and too little fun things. And yesterday and today I didn’t really do much at all. I hate it when that happens.

So how am I going to deal with this? Ideas, anyone?… hahaha.

I know (don’t you love rational knowledge at times that your feelings are messing with you?) that you have to counter negative things with positive things so I’ll just do that and go from there. Let’s start with today: I overslept…which was good because I really really needed the sleep. It wasn’t even that I was too lazy to get up I was just in a deep deep sleep until lunchtime. I woke up without a hangover too, suprisingly because I drank more than enough wine yesterday. It was a good decision to not try and catch up with all the things I wanted to do today, period. Better to have a quiet day and only do the groceries which really had to be done today. The whole grocery store thing is just a confirmation that I am doing a good thing getting up early on most Saturdays. The car….well, the only good thing about that is that I have insurance so I can get all the damage fixed for a relatively small amount of money. The boyfriend being absent…I knew that he was going to play that match, too bad that I had to eat dinner all by my lonesome.  But I was already looking forward (yesterday, before the bad day mood came over me) to spend the evening alone anyway. Not sleeping…at least I get another blogpost up. I would love to blog more! Still have to find a way to actually do so..

Phew, that feels better already. I am starting to feel like my motto again ‘Don’t sweat the small stuff’.

About the big stuff…the feeling that time is passing so quickly and that I am not enjoying it enough. Two things about that: one, I really should not be so hard on myself, you can’t enjoy every second of every day in your life, that is just impossible. Two, I should really make more effort to enjoy my life. I always have the tendency to say:  I have to do this and this and this and then I can do whatever I want and really enjoy it. Fact is, the todo list never ends.

Getting tired now, so I will finish my own therapeutic session up (lol) with how I am going to start with that right now and make the most out of my one day off left.

1. I will go to bed right after finishing this and enjoy curling up under the blankets with the cats at my feet.
2. Set my alarm so I won’t oversleep too much but still be rested.
3. Start doing my routines and then some internet time as reward
4. Work for 1 hour on the stuff I really wanted to get done this week. Not longer!
5. One hour of something fun, no internet ( I spend too much time there, I have other hobbies too)
6. Another hour of work
7. Polish nails: wanted to do that since forever so here you go. Can go on internet during this.
8. prep stuff for monday to prevent monda morning stress. 
9. Rest of the day for fun things only. Choose: baking reading, sewing, working out. Forbidden: work, todo list, house cleaning, computer.
10. Go to bed at a decent hour.
And no matter what, just relax and enjoy the present, not what may lie ahead.

Off to bed!

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